profile
I am Mi-Ann.
14 15 16 17 18 20 21 23 years old.
Student of the universe.
Bullshit intolerant.



time travel
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008
November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
February 2009
March 2009
April 2009
May 2009
June 2009
July 2009
September 2009
October 2009
November 2009
December 2009
January 2010
February 2010
March 2010
April 2010
May 2010
June 2010
July 2010
September 2010
October 2010
November 2010
December 2010
January 2011
February 2011
April 2011
May 2011
June 2011
October 2011
August 2012
December 2013

credits
icon: photobucket

disclaimer
everything i write here is true on the moment i wrote it. it may or may not hold truth anymore at present.
RESPECT. that's all im asking


Reach for the stars.. so if you fall short, you land in the clouds.
No honking.
2:44 PM | Monday, December 30, 2013



Hello! It's been a while. This post is dated Dec 30, 2013 -- Just one sunrise more and it's a totally different year. But, what a year it has been.... Truly. 

But what brought me back here to this seemingly deserted corner of the web is a simple realization that occurred to me just maybe an hour ago.

As I was on my way home from a uneventful trip to the nearby grocery store (to get some Yakult! Haha so addicted to these yummy little bottles filled with bacteria.), I rode a jeepney that had music turned on. From the backseat, I noticed how the jeepney driver was singing heartily to the songs, with emotions, as if it was his own song and that he was singing it under the spotlight in front of adoring fans. Then I thought, maybe, just maybe, that in his younger years he dreamed to become that person he is trying to envision himself at this moment. Maybe, this person who looks so different from the celebrity artists we normally adore on television screen, also had his dreams and aspirations... Dreams and aspirations that were swallowed by the reality of life. 

Think of it, what child would've dreamt to become a jeepney driver one day? Don't take me wrong, I have nothing against jeepney drivers. In fact, they have very noble jobs and let's admit that whether we are aware or not, these people have become invaluable to our lives (especially to people like me who are non-private car owners). How the hell do we go to school, work, appointments and just go around places if there was no one to drive the PUJ for us? But it's just that human that we are, we all aspire greatness in our lives. We want our lives to mean something for many. 

That's when I realized how lucky I am to be where I am today. To have reached some of my dreams at this age, when there are people out there who couldn't. People who just get by with their lives doing what they could to keep living. The world was truly not made to be fair and that this race is indeed made for us to fight for our own survival. But one thing... let's not get consumed with our own survival that we forget to be compassionate to others. Once in a while, I encourage you to pause and just look around and realize the things that you should be thankful for because more than not, you have a lot more to be thankful for than most people. 

Let's be kind to one another because it doesn't mean that because we have achieved more in life, we can look down at others like they are lesser. Take jeepney drivers for example. Sure, you might be better than the driver of the jeep you are riding but that doesn't make his function in this world any lesser than yours. You can be a doctor, a lawyer, a businessman, a graduate school student -- or just someone who's resume can easily outshine his. But remember, at that moment, it's the driver that's bringing you to the hospital where you can be a doctor, to the court where you can be a lawyer, to the office where you handle your business or to school where you pursue your graduate studies. At that very moment, you are nothing but a passenger dependent for the service only the driver can give...

Bottom line is that, I am one with the idea that in this world, no one is absolutely above or below others for this world is just a huge conversation of ideas -- ideas from big AND small people. We are all part of this conversation. So let's be kind to one another and see the beauty that is in the small things around us.

0 brave soul/s



Reviving the comfort of expression
10:00 PM | Monday, August 20, 2012


I've missed this. Writing. It's obviously been a while. The latest post was more than a year ago. But really, it's been a rough year..

But I truly miss this. More often than not, I've contemplated of putting up a new blog post but laziness and the haste of everything around swallowed the idea. Also, just recently, I've started reading again. And the renewed sense of deliciousness of the ability of words was somehow very inviting. So here we are.

I am not quite sure I've mentioned before, but I've had the brilliant thought of keeping a daily journal in my notebook. Not a journal of many phrases or sentences.. just words that I learned from the day or that simply embodies what has been in the last 24 hours. Even that didn't work out. I am now staring amusingly at the last date of entry which was last February.. So much for that idea.

But really, what brought me back was the nostalgia of writing in the moment. Being pensive. Looking back at who I was during the date of my last post.. A lot have changed. I have changed. And it fascinates me how different I was. How things that I was so sure of pursuing back then are all a blur to me. How I now see things in a different light and what was then a clear plan for me on what to do with my life has become a dull idea to me now. Change is truly the most constant thing in this world...

Now, I'm back to searching. What do I really want after all this? Deep in me, I know I'm searching for something that would truly give meaning to me, a cause worth my interest. Because as time passes, the more I realize how I easily get bored over things.. I want to be constantly mentally stimulated and do something that I really want. The people we meet, the things that occur, the situations, the challenges, the pressure, the trials, the triumphs, the realization but mostly, the changes...... They changed me too.

I know this entire post doesn't quite make sense.. I'm even wondering if I should really post this. But this reflect my thoughts now. I am confused. More than ever.

1 brave soul/s



Abandoned Ship
8:35 AM | Friday, October 21, 2011


I have just committed a major blogging crime, abandoning ship. It's been 5 months since I last had the energy to put up a blog post. I'm sorry I'm too lazy but it's also been a rough time for me in the past few months going through the first semester of 3rd yr college - and yet the worse is still to come. :| It's sem break so I'm here updating what has been... ¿Listo?

I have already been assigned to the Operating Room and it was the best rotation I've ever had. Being a HUGE fan of Grey's Anatomy, it felt so cool to finally feel what it's like to be inside an operating room theater and observe. The immensity of the entire idea of an operation feels so far out of grasp even when you're actually a part of the surgical team - I just kept thinking and thinking that "Hey, YOU are a part of this", this great concept of cutting a person open, and then closing him up all the while keeping him alive. It was such a rush seeing visceral organs in the body's cavities and seeing amazing surgeons skillfully doing their thing.. It was just pure happiness for me. I once dreamed of becoming a surgeon but after seeing what it takes to be one, it just kept me going on back and forth about the possibility.



And then there's Spanish. We've been learning Spanish in our first sem and it's so fun to learn something new every now and then.. Yo comprendo Español pero... muy poco. Hahaha. I can understand now, and I now understand the concept of their grammar construction but I still find it hard constructing my phrases on my own. I am in constant need of the assistance of the verb table and dictionary - but that's progress. :)

Also, I've mentioned in my older post that I have read the entire trilogy of the Hunger Games. I've been dying to post up a review about the book, BUT I've never gotten myself together to actually start writing up one and now, it's been 6 months since I read it and it's kind of not as fresh in my brain anymore like it was a couple months back. It's now at the back of the 300 pages of medical diseases we have been studying for the past 5 months that is occupying most of my brain's memory storage. Sad. I intend to find time to re-read the entire thing, but knowing myself, I doubt any of that will happen.

Last July, I had the final bittersweet date with Harry Potter that was what, 11 years in the making? I actually saw it twice, on IMAX and on 2D but on whatever screen I was watching it, I kept shedding tears, even on the second time around. Harry Potter really has been a HUGE part of my childhood, I can't thank JK Rowling and her wonderful storytelling enough for making Harry, Ron and Hermoine such relatable characters I grew up with. Seeing the story end was such ambivalence. But as JK Rowling so wonderfully said,

"Whether you come back by page or by the big screen, Hogwarts will always be there to welcome you home"
And the magic lives on.. forever. ϟ




On the other side of things: I AM NOW A PET OWNER. Hahahaha after years of wishing and convincing our parents to get me turtles - dundundundun - I finally have them! Yay. Meet ninjaturtle and ninjaturtle. :))



And taking care of these awesome little ones entered me into some pet-owner paranoia where I researched everything that I found unusual and kept worrying about things they were doing that was actually just normal. lol. Thankfully, I am past that phase and I now just loving seeing my Red-Eared Sliders grow. I know one day, they'll grow bigger than the size of the tank they have and we will probably need to figure out how to keep them but right now, I'm just sincerely happy to have them as these little things swimming in their tank on one side of my room. ♥ And throughout this entire pet-owning process, I realized that it takes so much responsibility to fully take care of lives - two lives - even it were just animal lives. And for a minute, it thought, that maybe this was how it somewhat feels like to have children, wanting to protect them and keep them without even exactly knowing how.. it scares and excites me at the same time.

And also!!! After months and months of saving and changing decisions, I have finally settled and bought myself an iTouch4G. Say hello to Thirdie (aka Lil Bitch III). It's fun to finally have a music library not confined within the constrains of 2 gigabytes. And a mobile web browser I can just use anytime, anywhere I need and of course.. a gadget that can keep me company in times of great boredom with games like Angry Birds and Tilt to Live. Viva iTouch!



I actually bought mine just a few days after Steve Jobs died. What a great mind the world lost. The world today is simply unimaginable if it was a world without the advancements that Steve provided. The iProducts are just a huge part of today's lifestyle, imagining a world without it simply just isn't right.. Thank you, Steve for the greatness you have left us. Cheers to the round pegs in the square holes, indeed!

So, there. Now, I go and have a Big Bang Theory marathon.
Hasta la proxima, M ♥

0 brave soul/s



Arrivederci, Giorni Felici
10:25 PM | Sunday, June 12, 2011




The one month summer is over. Tomorrow, I go back to the reality of school. Gone are the days of enjoying the summer heat while dipping my body to the cold morning sea, the bum days of just facing the computer all day, late-night/early morning online Google-ing, non-stop movie marathons, memorizing and planning my TV schedules for the entire day, waking up in afternoons, reading books in hermit mode, feel-good late afternoon jogs, blasting Maroon 5 songs in my room, not having the need to make myself look presentable at all, malling just whenever I want to, not spending money for lunch, having no stress at all.. Gone are those days.

Best thing about my summer: Reading the entire Hunger Games trilogy in 3 days on full hermit mode. Good read.

4 brave soul/s



7:20 PM | Tuesday, May 17, 2011


The reason why I have stayed single for all 18 years of life on earth is not because I'm afraid. It's not because I'm choosy. It's not because I'm trying to play hard to get. The reason why I clutch my heart so tightly is because I want to try to look for commitment. The kind that transcends superficial teenage love, the kind that you just know will last forever. I seek for romance and true love. Call it cheesy, but I believe it can exist if we let it.

But more than anything else, I believe that this is not something I can find this early in life - yet. I'm not in a rush. I thoroughly enjoy being single and I am happy with what I have as of now. I stand that everything has it's own time and all will just fall and fit in place when the right moment comes.

Right now, I just have to focus on building that person who I want to be. And I am hopeful that he is doing the same thing so when time comes, we will both know who we are as persons and be ready for whatever else the world throws at us. He doesn't have to be perfect according to the world, cause I definitely know I'm not. He just has to be the perfect one for me. Or you can even just scratch perfect.. Just, the one for me. :")

Just like any other girl, I dream of simple church wedding in a simple minimalist white gown with a waist-long veil and a garden reception. I dream of a little house in the suburbs with a large lawn and garden where the children can play. I dream of children - two boys whose names would just be single-syllabic so they wouldn't have to struggle with explaining nicknames and consuming time to write long names on exams. I dream of a loving golden retriever to complete the family and I dream of having a long, happy marriage.

And just an additional thought.. wouldn't it be nice to be asked by your child who your first true love was, and instead of rummaging through old pictures, all you have to do is point at the man sitting on your living room couch? =)

I know, sappy. But whatever. And as of now, I'll continue dreaming. And waiting. Patiently.

Find your happiness ♥,
M.

0 brave soul/s



Impulsivity vs Reflectivity
9:27 PM | Friday, April 15, 2011


According to Dunn and Dunn, a person's psychological cognitive style can either be impulsive or reflective. Impulsivity is described when a person prefers opportunities of spontaneous speech without consciously processing their thinking. The other style is reflectivity, seen in people who seldom volunteer information, unless they are specifically asked to and they are ones who prefer contemplating information and tend to be uncomfortable with being put on the spot.

I strongly think I belong to the latter. I like to think things first before going out and about proclaiming about it. I like to organize my thoughts first before trying to speak about them. I take time in finding the most appropriate words to express fully what I want to come through. That's probably why I like writing, keeping journals and blogging. There's no pressure; there's enough time to think through and arrange ideas so they could mean better. Yes, I am a student who more often than not just sits in class and listens. I am not the type of person you see waving her hand every 5 minutes to share something or ask trivial questions. I wish I was.. sometimes. But the thing is, it's not that I don't have inquiries, it's not that I don't care. I do. I usually have a lot of curiosity but - before I raise it up, I think about it first. And almost always, I find the answer myself. I'm not being self-righteous, but really. There are things that you think are vague and perplexing but once you stop and think about it for yourself, you'll realize that the answers are very simple and are right in front of you.

But there are times I wish I was more impulsive, though. There are some questions that I know the answer but despite everything, I don't stand up for it. There were situations when I had something to say against a presented argument, or a realization of something complex, and I just shut up about it. Why? Because I doubt myself. A lot. I never trust my ideas. I guess I look to lowly at myself. I went through a lot when I was a kid, serious stuff twisting me up, internally. And I guess from that, I've become someone afraid to falter. Because before, I miss one step and every one talks about it, every one makes a big deal out of it, every one looks down on me because of it - because they already placed me on a pedestal. And all the time, I've been driving myself crazy to live up to it. I have become my own Simon Cowell.

That's why when time comes that I need to do things in front of the public, my heart races and my nerves just go flying out. If there's one thing I never got over with, it's public speaking. It's a frustration for me because of how ironic it is. I have been exposed to public speaking since prep. I've emceed school functions more than anyone else in my elementary school ever did, in my time. I've delivered speeches for 6 consecutive years in front of the whole student body + their parents + strangers and passerbys in the mall. I've even delivered a speech while I had hick ups - YES. I was frivolously hicking-up every 4 lines of that speech. And from all that, I still never got over it. Well, maybe slightly, I did. I don't get nervous when I'm reporting topics, though. Because all you have to do is familiarize yourself with the subject matter and plainly make your learners understand someone else's ideas. Someone else's. But when we talk about my own ideas, made purely of the pile of crap that is mashed up in my head. Oh dear goodness. I just die.

And what happens whenever I do, is that although I have completely memorized what I need to say in my head, when time comes that I need to say it aloud - EVERYTHING JUST GOES HAYWIRE. I miss things, I forget words that were specifically chosen and utter confusing ones instead, I just become stupid for the time being. Although.. there were some times that I am asked to stand in front of the class and asked questions that can stir brains, that I can miraculously feel calmness and give decent answers to questions - very often happenings.

So, I challenge myself to speak up. I need to grow, as a person and it's something I need to conquer, for myself to become better. I will try to trust myself and stop belittling my ideas. Release your inhibitions. Blogging, writing, journal-ing is my safe place. I need to step out of my comfort zone in order to grow. I will because I know, I can.. Sheesh, all these self pep-talk. lol.

I am so sorry if my blog is filled with things like this. I wish I was one of those people whose lives are so interesting, they can just blog about how their day went and everyone will be all envious and all worship-y. lol Unfortunately I am not, so I find no worth in posting about how my boring, mundane day was, when clearly no one cares. So I just end up writing about these feelings stuff. lol. I realize this blog has become a soliloquy, more than anything else. Hahaha.



How about you, what's your challenge for yourself?
Until next time, M♥

1 brave soul/s



One shot for my pain, one drag for my sorrow
2:37 PM | Saturday, April 09, 2011


Time to get this thing updated. I'm truly sorry I don't update my blog as much. As I blogged before, I got myself a journal, which is where I channel all my thoughts these days. It really feels good to have a journal - it allows you to be more introspective, somehow since you don't get to limit yourself of what you want to express knowing that there's no one that may take it the wrong way. I can just curse and blatantly expound on things I normally wouldn't in my blog. Anyway.. Here's what's been going on.

I freaking finished with Microbiology (Bacteriology, Virology, Parasitology, Mycology - all in one sem) and Pediatric MedSurg!!! Dear goodness, I have no idea how I made it alive. That sem was seriously very energy-draining. I even had to stay up all night and basically just go to school and take pre-fi and finals with no sleep AT ALL. That's how demanding Microbiology was, and thank goodness, it paid off. I know it will just get harder, third year and everything. But I'm trying to take things one at a time, and I am happy to be able to get pass that obstacle, for now. Phew.

And then, remember this blog? So after around four months, I finally had the courage to reveal to my father the loss of Lil Bitch Jr, which he took very lightly - better than I expected. The next day, he arrived home WITH LIL BITCH JR! Apparently, all the while that I have been stressing and worrying over LilB, she has just been hiding under my car seat. And all it took was admitting to my father that it was lost, to finally be able to find her. So yessss, I am very ecstatic that I have all my music back! :> :> :> It makes me jog more effectively, now :B

And then, a couple of days ago, Bruno Mars went here in Cebu to play a concert. I went in a fan of his songs and went out a fan of the artist. He was just, AMAZING =) I never thought I would enjoy his concert that much! I am not familiar with many of his songs, just a few that are obviously playing non-stop on the radios and some that my friends like and introduced to me - and despite that (and the hunger from all the impatient waiting and wtf front act), I ended up sincerely enjoy ing every minute of his concert. The man got moves. lol. And the crowd really just went alive when his set started. I would definitely but tickets to the next Bruno Mars concert in Cebu. Such an awesome singer, live! And to quote The Lazy Song, "Oh my God, this is great".








Yesterday, we got news that our classmate and friend got into a pretty serious motor vehicular accident. At first, I was in denial with the severity of the situation. I didn't want to believe the news that we were receiving when we were in the middle of classes. It wasn't until some of our classmates really went to the hospital to see him told us the actuality of the grimness of his condition, that it really sank in. When it did, I was in Ayala and I was very disoriented to the extent that I spent a long time trying to find the exit and landing on the same wrong place over and over again. I just couldn't believe that the other day, he was still his usual noisy self, joking around with everyone in speech class, and then this. :-\ It's really scary and painful to have this happen to someone you really know. It's times like this when you start to realize that life can really bring you unexpected things and that maybe it's time to start living instead of just plainly existing.

Our prayers are with you, Jansen. We are all hoping for your speedy recovery. We know you can get through this, after all, you are the founder of Matirang Matibay. If there's a good time to show your matibay-ness, it's now. Hang in there.



Please do pray for him and his family. They really need it right now.

Row row row your boat, gently down the stream. Merrily merrily, life is but a dream.

1 brave soul/s



Guilty Pleasure
7:29 PM | Thursday, February 03, 2011


GREY'S ANATOMY.
Rewatching Season 1 - Season 7.
(Although some, especially on the earlier seasons, I am watching for the first time.)

Such a good guilty pleasure. I can't help but wonder how it feels like to have another person's heart on one hand and a scalpel on the other. I wonder.

0 brave soul/s



It's like forgetting the words to your favorite song
10:45 PM | Sunday, January 23, 2011




Meet Lil Bitch, Jr.
Of course she's a Jr because she has a predecessor, my old mp4 player that has gone delirious. If you're wondering why I named them Lil Bitch, and Lil Bitch, Jr - it's a little homeage to Cam Gigandet's character on The O.C., Kevin (if you remembered him, he was the nutjob badass who got Marissa killed) who screeched the Cohen's SUV with "Lil Bitch". Bad. Ass. And I had a huge crush on him back then, so that will explain a whole lot of it.

Anyway. That's Lil Bitch, Jr. And I lost her.

I hate myself for that right now. :( I lost 300+ songs, and I know it's not much for many of my friends who has like around a thousand songs on their iPods, but not for me. I've always been picky with songs. I mean, I don't limit myself to an exclusive genre, I listen to whatever. What matters to me is the lyrics of the song and how it means to me. I just don't download songs because they're cool, or cause they're on top of the charts. I don't fall into that bandwagon. I actually prefer songs that don't have much airtime, songs from artists most people haven't heard of yet, songs from artist's albums that didn't go as big as the other singles or the classics. Another reason for that is, I don't like downloading songs that are frequently on radio since I easily get tired of listening getting repeated over and over again.

Bottomline, those songs were like, carefully chosen and just having them lost like that.. is heartbreaking.

One more thing about Lil Bitch, Jr is - it WAS not mine. We found it in the package my aunt left with all the things she didn't want to bring back to New Jersey. That player used to be the last thing my Lola loved listening to when she was in the hospital, weeks before she died - when her consciousness and state of mind was still better. I didn't initially want to use that player when I saw it, but the old one broke, and I thought my Lola wouldn't mind - she loved sharing things with us, anyway. But I lost it. I FREAKING LOST IT. I feel so guilty right now, like every time I think of it, it's like there's this heavy weight pulling my chest.

And I'm not even sure how I lost it. It took time for me to realize that I haven't seen it for some time. Last time I remembered using it was when I realized it has been turned on for the past 5 hours, so I turned it off and shoved it into my cabinet. But I wasn't sure if it was really the last time I used it, it was just the last time I remembered using it. I wasn't using it a lot since I got my two pairs of earphones (yes, both pairs for my laptop and player - altogether) destroyed, and although Lil Bitch can still play music with it's tiny speakers, I preferred using the earphones, especially in school, so I think I wasn't bringing it out a lot - which made me think that I prolly just lost it here in my room, so I tried to declutter, but to no avail. Still no Lil Bitch, Jr. :(((

I remember one incident though. I was arriving a school, and as I stepped down the car, I heard a small thud on the ground, as if something fell. I tried to look back, and didn't see anything so I just went on with going inside the campus. And now that I'm thinking about it, that thud was probably my Lil Bitch, Jr. Although I really could not remember bringing her that time, it can still be possible. I mean, it hasn't been the first time I lost something from going out the car and not caring what was on my lap as I step down. I lost my phone in the exact same manner, some time ago in high school, too. *Sighs. But again, I'm not 100% sure, although something inside me tells me that that was the last sound I was gonna hear from her, ever again.

This is so depressing. :( Why do I need to be so careless?? I haven't told my parent's about it yet. My father's probably gunna get disappointed, but reallyyyyyyyy - UGH. :( I hate me for losing it. I suck.

But I'm still hopeful it comes out of no where sometime. I really really hope so. :-((( Huhuhu.
I'm sorry Lil B. :( I'm sorry I'm so careless. I'd hate me, too if I were you. Please come home! :(

This is a really depressing post (for me, that is. IDK with you, reader. You'd probably not care, anyway.) :( Screw this. And screw the fact that for the past month, the only things I have been listening to is the 4 songs that I was yet to put to my player (I delete files from my laptop to loosen memory space) - on fucking infinite repeatttt!!

0 brave soul/s



The goal is not to say what I can say, but to say what I am unable to say.
12:29 AM | Saturday, January 22, 2011


I write. It's a good way for me to vent out.

Someone once said that keeping a journal is healthy. Write at least once a week is all it takes - and I thought, well, I already have a blog, so that counts right? But lately I've been starting to write journal entries, the old fashioned way.

I just realized that there really are things that I am not yet too comfortable letting out to the public. Sure, no one actually reads this kind of crap I put up in here, but you still can't deny that this outlet IS public, and at one point or another - someone, stranger or friend, is bound to be able to read this. And being the private person that I normally am, I'd like to keep some things to myself. And! I actually get blogging topic ideas every now and then, but never really got into the actual formulation process and writing it up in here - so the notebook I have right now can serve as a draft of sudden spurs of ideas. Another is that, writing up a blog, there's always a need to consider proper arrangement of thoughts in a way that is understandable and can seem coherent to others, cause once again, this is an undeniable public outlet. In a private journal, I don't need to put up with that, I can write things according to how I want it, as long as it can seem understandable to me.

But that doesn't mean I'll stop blogging. No. This is still an extension to my venting outlet and blogging is fun - especially on things that I am dying to share about, and no one I know seems to care. LOL.

I'm off. Actually finished that bloody hell of a midterms earlier today, yet, I am lined up with still more things to do for the weekend. C'est la vie.

0 brave soul/s