Action-Reaction
2:04 AM | Thursday, July 01, 2010
It’s two in the morning yet I could not find enough peace in me to put myself to sleep. Something happened recently that my mind just wouldn’t quit thinking about. You know, there will always be that point in our life when we’ll find ourselves disappointing ourselves.
I’m the type of person who doesn’t respond well to pressure. This may be something I carried from my childhood when I was pressured to the maximum on the educational aspects to meet the financial capabilities of my family. I suffered back then, and those years being the supposed molding years of a school-age kid, that experience made me make up my mind on how I am now.
I guess there will be a first time for everything. It’s just that my first time for that something wasn’t a good experience. I did every possible wrong thing to do in that situation. But I’ve decided that in my life, I will leave no space for regrets so the way I took that experience was as a failure, I need to learn from it. I need to pick up whatever I know I did was wrong and correct it. I need to remember all the stupidity I did and engrave in my mind to never ever do it again. And I need to identify why that happened, what were the reasons why I failed epicly, so I can avoid them in the future.
Well, for once, I need to get rid of the nerves. I need to be able to keep a clear mind even when I find myself in a panic situation.. After that episode of my life, I was ashamed at myself. I was frustrated at disappointing them and mostly, myself. So now, I know I need to redeem myself. I have to prove to myself that I can do it, and when I prove that to myself, everything else follows. And instead of trying to hide away and get scared of that situation, I want to be able to face it head forward and prove that I can rise above it. I need to do better, next time.
And with this recent outburst of negative vibes, I realized that it is better for me to keep a journal. Of course I am free to talk about whatever I desire in here but there are some things that are too intimate to be discussed publicly. I actually wrote a more detailed version of this reflection in my old journal right after the incident, but I am also posting this here now so that you (if ever there is someone so outrageously bored reading this) can also learn from what I experienced.
And life must go on. As I always tell myself, “Life’s tough. But I’m tougher.”
Namaste.
