Impulsivity vs Reflectivity
9:27 PM | Friday, April 15, 2011
According to Dunn and Dunn, a person's psychological cognitive style can either be impulsive or reflective. Impulsivity is described when a person prefers opportunities of spontaneous speech without consciously processing their thinking. The other style is reflectivity, seen in people who seldom volunteer information, unless they are specifically asked to and they are ones who prefer contemplating information and tend to be uncomfortable with being put on the spot.
I strongly think I belong to the latter. I like to think things first before going out and about proclaiming about it. I like to organize my thoughts first before trying to speak about them. I take time in finding the most appropriate words to express fully what I want to come through. That's probably why I like writing, keeping journals and blogging. There's no pressure; there's enough time to think through and arrange ideas so they could mean better. Yes, I am a student who more often than not just sits in class and listens. I am not the type of person you see waving her hand every 5 minutes to share something or ask trivial questions. I wish I was.. sometimes. But the thing is, it's not that I don't have inquiries, it's not that I don't care. I do. I usually have a lot of curiosity but - before I raise it up, I think about it first. And almost always, I find the answer myself. I'm not being self-righteous, but really. There are things that you think are vague and perplexing but once you stop and think about it for yourself, you'll realize that the answers are very simple and are right in front of you.
But there are times I wish I was more impulsive, though. There are some questions that I know the answer but despite everything, I don't stand up for it. There were situations when I had something to say against a presented argument, or a realization of something complex, and I just shut up about it. Why? Because I doubt myself. A lot. I never trust my ideas. I guess I look to lowly at myself. I went through a lot when I was a kid, serious stuff twisting me up, internally. And I guess from that, I've become someone afraid to falter. Because before, I miss one step and every one talks about it, every one makes a big deal out of it, every one looks down on me because of it - because they already placed me on a pedestal. And all the time, I've been driving myself crazy to live up to it. I have become my own Simon Cowell.
That's why when time comes that I need to do things in front of the public, my heart races and my nerves just go flying out. If there's one thing I never got over with, it's public speaking. It's a frustration for me because of how ironic it is. I have been exposed to public speaking since prep. I've emceed school functions more than anyone else in my elementary school ever did, in my time. I've delivered speeches for 6 consecutive years in front of the whole student body + their parents + strangers and passerbys in the mall. I've even delivered a speech while I had hick ups - YES. I was frivolously hicking-up every 4 lines of that speech. And from all that, I still never got over it. Well, maybe slightly, I did. I don't get nervous when I'm reporting topics, though. Because all you have to do is familiarize yourself with the subject matter and plainly make your learners understand someone else's ideas. Someone else's. But when we talk about my own ideas, made purely of the pile of crap that is mashed up in my head. Oh dear goodness. I just die.
And what happens whenever I do, is that although I have completely memorized what I need to say in my head, when time comes that I need to say it aloud - EVERYTHING JUST GOES HAYWIRE. I miss things, I forget words that were specifically chosen and utter confusing ones instead, I just become stupid for the time being. Although.. there were some times that I am asked to stand in front of the class and asked questions that can stir brains, that I can miraculously feel calmness and give decent answers to questions - very often happenings.
So, I challenge myself to speak up. I need to grow, as a person and it's something I need to conquer, for myself to become better. I will try to trust myself and stop belittling my ideas.
Release your inhibitions. Blogging, writing, journal-ing is my safe place. I need to step out of my comfort zone in order to grow. I will because I know, I can.. Sheesh, all these self pep-talk. lol.
I am so sorry if my blog is filled with things like this. I wish I was one of those people whose lives are so interesting, they can just blog about how their day went and everyone will be all envious and all worship-y. lol Unfortunately I am not, so I find no worth in posting about how my boring, mundane day was, when clearly no one cares. So I just end up writing about these feelings stuff. lol. I realize this blog has become a soliloquy, more than anything else. Hahaha.
How about you, what's your challenge for yourself?
Until next time,
M♥
